Finding direction within personal diatribes and uncertainties is a conundrum just as we ask ourselves why entitlement can't be snipped out of brains.
Recognizing myself, my sunny and self-slumping habits, is what I've been trying to attend to on these blooming '20 days. We're taking field notes all the way up until February or March, and making decisions on what is worth nourishing and what must be put on hold (for now).
The reason for aiming for the top is to infiltrate it. I'd like to see it, but I don't wish to snap a blink alone. This field of cognitive flowers is too big and erratic for one person to understand it all. If I could, at the bare minimum, do my part to cultivate this invisible ejido with other timid hooligans, and make something special, something that is fueled by sidereal causes, something that one feels insane for, a space of some sort to think about the world, I think a sense of contentment will balance the angst. There must be other reasons for being at the top besides blabbering about personal achievements, and quoting people at the bottom of yourself.
Towards more thoughts.