The world is my idea.
That's easy to remember on a stormy night after dinner, but the quotidian pursuits we must engage in... well, maybe I'm simply forgetful.
Training has been going well. On Sunday I'll be up at the ass crack of dawn hitting the elusive Japanese drills before my half marathon. The forecast seems unfavorable, but as the Hagakure goes, any chance to choose between life and death as a samurai, choose death. And when you've been 100% defeated, you still have time for one more move to die with honor. That's how I'll be starting the morning.
A few hours ago, I had a striking feeling occur to me as I grilled my chicken. There is a deep conflicting feeling in me that I am not working smart in the way the national environment I happen to habit in has been programming in us to work. Hence the above statement. There are days when I feel like I am synthesizing a knowledge architecture of my own that can help me alter the current state of the environment I live in for the better. New ideas in training, community, and living, to say a few, but there are days when I realize, yo... I'm .FUCKING. stupid wey lol.
The other day, I mentioned to a colleague that I'm amazed at how fast people can deconstruct a problem and come up with solutions. I, on the other hand, sometimes feel like a crockpot, the rate at which I am "cooking" is so slow. It's like my brain goes too damn far, to the point where it's like, I'm way the fuck out here?! Perhaps a gift and a curse in this society.
Another night learning to be myself.
Building the confidence to pursue what I find a meaningful life with my own traits, even when it clashes with societal expectations, is still a challenge for me though.
There's no turning back now.
Dime si soy o no soy,
Father Karras Jr.
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